Friday, November 16, 2007

Up Late

It's almost 1:00 (a.m.) and I'm still here, curled in my easy chair, the Dell Inspiron serving as my own personal heater, with assistance from Magic who has managed to insinuate himself in the corner of the chair beside me.

What am I doing, still awake in the wee hours of the morning?

Earlier tonight, while sitting in a dark high school auditorium, struggling to stay awake through a (fairly competent) production of Arsenic and Old Lace, I realized (with a mixure of horror and resignation) that I had managed to let myself get about 2000 words behind on my novel.

How did this happen?

This has been a week where the s&*t has hit the fan, as they say. Meaning that those occasions when people have said "could you? would you?" every so nicely, and I have replied "I can, I will," every so foolishly, have all come home to roost.

I am crushed, dear reader.

Overloaded.

So tonight, as I was driving home in the cold and dark, still struggling to stay awake, I thought to myself - okay, you're done. Why are you putting yourself through this novel writing nonsense, adding this extra burden on an already overloaded schedule? Nobody's making you write this novel - it doesn't matter in the slightest to anyone whether you finish it now, or next August, or the 12th of Never.

Wrong.

It matters to me.

And that's why I'm still up. I've been writing.

Because all that other stuff - the extra work I've been doing to help my boss, the bell concerts I'm playing to sub for a friend, the visiting, the shopping, the chores - those are all for other people. And we all know how much I abhor letting people down.

The writing -well, sure, it's just for me. But why should I be any more inclined to let myself down than I would all these other people I'm always so willing to open a vein for?

Anyway, I'm caught up on my word count - at least until tomorrow (which is actually already today, isn't it?)

But I will keep writing.

After all, I wouldn't want to disappoint myself.

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5 Comments:

Blogger Michele said...

Wow, Becca, you go! Very inspiring post ;0) I'm glad you followed through FOR YOU this time. You deserve it!

For me, it's 2:23 am. Am I writing a novel? No. Am I suppose to be? No. I have been writing, though. I turned in an assignment, applied for a few writing gigs, and now I'm off to finally turn off the computer...and my brain ;-)

Oh, it's ok to say no--just a time or two at least!

Smiles,
Michele

11/17/2007  
Blogger bella rum said...

Every time I stop by, you've written something that speaks to me.

I too find myself in the midst of something important to me. Yet, each time I find a million reasons for quitting, I find myself piking up the sword again the very next day. It has been a revealing experience for me. I've found that I'm not a quitter, perhaps compulsive, but not a quitter.

I enjoy your takes on life. Thanks.

11/17/2007  
Anonymous June said...

Your time crunch increases my appreciation of your stopping by and commenting at Spatter. Given your writing talent, your compliment means a lot.

11/17/2007  
Anonymous bella said...

Keep on writing, friend. Somehow, we always find the time when we need it. This coming week will be my busiest since school started, but I plan to tackle it with every ounce of energy I can muster up.

11/18/2007  
Blogger jzr said...

Just keep on keeping!!

11/18/2007  

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