Friday, April 27, 2007

Clearing the Cobwebs


If your house is anything like mine these days, there are lots of cobwebs floating around. The spring sunshine illuminates them hanging from the light fixtures and tucked into corners, and I even discovered one entwined round the pedal posts on my piano. My mind has its own cobwebs, a veritable haunted mansion full of them. Perhaps clearing away a couple of the larger ones will free up space for some positive, creative thought formations.

~getting closer to making a decision about my life next year, i.e., whether to continue with my job at the high school or not. As I was writing morning pages yesterday, it seemed perfectly clear that I needed to give up that job. Then it occurred to me that I continually use the term "give up" when I think about leaving that position, a term you would use about something you were relinquishing against your will. And that is exactly what I will be/would be doing. That job is my labor of love, and I am loathe to "give it up" (there I go again). However, I am exhausted with this feeling that my life is out of control, that all my time is consumed by work (even work I love), and there is no time left for me to take proper care of myself or my family. Something has to give...

~trying to embrace the idea of change, and find the strength to initiate change in my life. While sitting at the piano during a musical rehearsal the other day, I realized the type of work I do as an accompanist perfectly mirrors the way I live my life. Sitting and waiting for my cue, taking direction from someone else, being necessary and important, but always slightly in the background...that's me, on the bench and off! The months ahead may bring some major (happy!) changes for our family, and I want to be able to direct my own life so that I can take full advantage of them. If you're watching American Idol this year, I call it the "Melinda Syndrome." One of the contestants, Melinda Doolittle, has been singing background vocals for several years, and had no idea that she was "good enough" to be a solo star in her own right. How amazing to watch her emerge from her safety zone in the background and discover that she is indeed star material. It's about time for me to step out like Melinda and stand in the spotlight of my own life for a change!

If only these cobwebs could be handled as neatly as those lurking in the corners of my ceilings and doorways. But it will take more than a quick sweep with the feather duster to eradicate these complex concerns. Hopefully the spring sun will illuminate more than dust bunnies, and shine some new insight into my life.


photo from here

Labels:

7 Comments:

Blogger paris parfait said...

Becca, I've missed reading your posts. Have been preoccupied with too many guests, then a short trip away. Sounds like you have some big decisions to make, but it also sounds as though you're listening to your heart and instincts - always the best tactic.

4/27/2007  
Blogger Tammy said...

I'm cheering you on in whatever you decide. You go Becca aka Melinda ;)

4/27/2007  
Blogger Tori said...

Becca,

I am moved by this post.
You are courageous.
I didn't begin my self journey until I made that hard decision to leave my job that made sense for a gazillion reasons. Get off that accompanist bench and put yourself center stage!!!

4/27/2007  
Blogger Mandy said...

I do love cobwebs

4/29/2007  
Blogger jzr said...

Change is such a difficult thing. Your heart will lead you to make the ones you need to make.

4/29/2007  
Blogger Shaz said...

WHISPERING..........Good luck and do whats right for you and yours it sounds as though your right on track for that :)

4/29/2007  
Blogger Becoming Amethyst said...

Morning pages have a sneaky away of making us face up to the *truths* in our life, don't they? I've had a similar dilemma these past few months. Hope you find a way forward that gives you peace. Hugs xox

4/30/2007  

Post a Comment

<< Home