Tuesday, September 26, 2006

A Box Full of Darkness

Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand
that this, too, was a gift.
Mary Oliver, Thirst

I was once given a box full of darkness. Someone I loved gave it to me, too. The darkness was actually disillusionment, disappointment, and despair. The box was full of meanness, lies, and deceit.
The first thing I did with this box was glorify it. I gave it pride of place in my emotional world. I let it consume my thoughts, my heart, and my mind. Every so often, when I was feeling at my most vulnerable, I opened it up and peered into the darkness, where I would wail and cry in despair, pitying myself for being dealt such a dark and horrible blow.
Time passed, and I found myself opening the dark box less often. Sometimes, I was just too busy with other things to spend the time I knew the darkness required. Other times, I simply didn't have the energy to deal with all those dark emotions. Eventually, I was just bored with the dark box and it's perpetual whining.
Then came the day that my thoughts drifted toward the darkness, and I realized the dark box was no longer there. For a few frenzied moments, my mind searched for it, but I simply could not conjure it up. A deep sigh of relief welled within me, and I knew the darkness was gone for good. In it's place was a very quiet sense of understanding. peace, and forgiveness, a sensation that I had never before known, but one I wanted very much to store up and treasure.
At one time or another, life will hand each one of us a box full of darkness. It's important to keep that box around for a while - but not for too long. Buried deep inside this box is a wealth of insight, compassion, and self-awareness. When you dig deeply enough to reach this layer, you've found the real buried treasure - the true gift that's hidden in the darkness.

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8 Comments:

Blogger Helen said...

A lot of wisdom. I will remember this when I get that box of darkness.

9/26/2006  
Blogger deirdre said...

Powerful words. I've stored too many of those boxes and am currently peering into the darkest of them all. I hope there's a little wisdom buried deep in this one.

9/26/2006  
Anonymous bella said...

This is an amazing insight into how you dealt with your box, Becca. There is no guidebook for life, the good parts or the bad. I'm sure, when people read this, it will help them in some way. It really helped me. I'm not there completely, but, I'm on the path. Thank you for sharing this.

9/26/2006  
Blogger Tammy said...

I loved this post!!!! Inspiring Becca

9/26/2006  
Blogger bb said...

wow!
this is certainly something i can relate to.
i wrote my poem for PT yesterday and it certainly has shades of your 'box of darkness'.
in the stars for Pisceans to write about it this week?!!!

9/26/2006  
Blogger Susannah said...

this is so very wise, dear friend. i am toying with my box of darkness a lot in these last few weeks. not a fun exercise, but a necessary one i feel. i'll carry this post with me today x

9/27/2006  
Blogger paris parfait said...

Profound and beautiful post, Becca. Thank you for sharing your wise words.

9/28/2006  
Blogger Tongue in Cheek Antiques said...

Look how you have transformed this darkness! By holding it, and eventually letting go of it. Your words share many deep lessons...love has not abandon you it has become a jewel in your crown!

10/01/2006  

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