Sunday, July 29, 2007

Hormone Havoc

I've been completely distorted lately. I was trying to come up with a word to describe this sensation of feeling disproportionately out of sorts with myself, my life, and everyone I come into contact with, and "distorted" seems to fit perfectly.

Yesterday, as I sat holed up in my writing room, I tried to reflect on the reason I was behaving like a petulant teenager, throwing mini-tantrums and storming around "loaded for bear" as the saying goes. Truthfully, these feelings are not unfamiliar. They used to happen on a regular basis - about once a month, to be exact. Any of you who happen to be female know exactly what I'm referring to. However, since I haven't been bothered with that monthly occurrence in well over a year, I thought I was done with all that.

But this week, it came roaring back with a vengeance, the attack of the raging hormones. It's really as if an alien has invaded my psyche and injected me with lethal doses of impatience, dissatisfaction, restlessness, anxiety - all those awful feelings that women dump into the category of PMS, premenstrual syndrome - or, in my case, post menopausal syndrome.

Now, I've since realized why this has happened, and taken steps to remedy the situation (I'll tell you about that later.) The interesting thing - the rather frightening thing - is the way I have felt completely out of control, completely not myself. I literally want to do violence to people and things. I hate everyone I know (and love!) and have this almost overwhelming urge to get in my car and drive it off a cliff - seriously.

This has got me thinking about the ways women really are different from men. And these thoughts are completely antithetical to the feminist way of thinking I've been raised with. But it occurred to me that if I were the President of the United States right now, I might be sorely tempted to push that famous button and annihilate anyone and everyone who was getting in my way.

Of course, being the good girl that I am, I always stop myself from committing any act of violence worse than tossing dishes (plastic!) against the wall. Even in this state of hormonal havoc, I retain my sense of control, because I generally have great control over my emotions. (Whether that's good or bad, only my therapist knows for sure.) But some women are completely ravaged by their hormones - we've all read the horror stories of seemingly "normal" women who murder their children while suffering from post partum depression.

Luckily, when I woke up this morning, I could feel my sense of emotional equilibrium returning to normal. I did some yoga, rode my bike, went to church, and haven't felt like killing anyone (yet). But this episode reminded me once again that our bodies can play vicious tricks on us, and it's well to be wary of them.

By the way, here's the reason this happened - at least, this is my best guess. A couple of weeks ago, I started taking Black Cohosh as treatment for hot flashes, which were really driving me crazy this summer. As I looked at the bottle, I realized I was taking these 540 mg capsules twice daily, when the recommended dosage was once daily. So, I think I may have experienced an "herbal overdose." I cut back immediately, and started to feel better. Another lesson learned - even "natural remedies" can be dangerous if not taken properly.

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7 Comments:

Blogger Tammy said...

I'm sorry for chuckling but I can really relate as I enter peri-menopause with night sweats. I'm glad you are feeling yourself again. :)

Can you imagine Hilary in menopause if she were to win...brrr. LOL

7/29/2007  
Blogger Inland Empire Girl said...

I have also had hormone havoc. I am glad the yoga, bike ride and church helped!

7/29/2007  
Blogger Annie said...

boy, oh boy, can i relate. you really hit a familiar note with this one. thankfully i'm almost out of the woods on this issue. so glad you're feeling better.

7/30/2007  
Blogger Ally Bean said...

Funny isn't it how detached we can sometimes be from ourselves. I mean you knew you were getting cranky-- as if you were an objective bystander to the event. I'm glad that you feel better now and that you have the right dosage of herb. Still, it did make for an interesting blog post.

7/30/2007  
Blogger Becoming Amethyst said...

Hope you're feeling improved if not better now, Becca. (But I'm worried about the hormones of the men in charge too ~ they don't seem to surge and peel back, they just seem to get the surge...)

7/31/2007  
Blogger deirdre said...

Oh, honey, you have my empathy. In this last couple years I've been surging too and trying to decide what's hormonal and what's grief. It really isn't good. (duh) I'm glad you figured out what was going on and are feeling better now.

7/31/2007  
Blogger Jane Poe (aka Deborah) said...

Yes, being a woman can certainly bring some challenging moments (hormonally and otherwise) ... this post also made me think of the negative hormonal effects of testosterone on men & the issues of rage and violence ... makes one wonder about the biological imperative of such things. Glad you figured out the dosing on the herbals. xx, JP

7/31/2007  

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