Saturday, October 21, 2006

Sunday Scribblings-Good

Okay, I admit it - I was a good girl. I was the kind of girl whose mother never had to say, in her most exasperated tone of voice, "Why can't you just be good?" I was always good.

Most of the time, being good came easily. My parents were good people, and we lived in a good neighborhood. I went to moderately good schools, and I had good and true friends who weren't likely to lead me astray. Being good worked for me - as an only child, it served me well to stay on the good side of my parents. They rewarded me with all the good things of life -books, bikes, cool clothes, and plenty of loving attention.

My mother was a good girl too, and she became a good wife. At least, what was considered a good wife in the 1950's. She kept a good home, cooked good food, and raised a good child, while her husband made a good living. She was also an only child, and was "raised right" according to the standards of her small southern town . She suppressed her own dreams and desires, whatever they might have been, in deference to the needs of her husband, her child, and eventually, to the care of her elderly parents.

But then my father displayed his really bad side, and left my mother after 42 years of marriage to run away with his 45 year old secretary (I know, it sounds like a very bad movie). In the early days of her despair, my mother would say in puzzlement, "I always just tried to be a good wife." As despair turned to anger, my mother would tell me "Don't bother being good - it doesn't get you anywhere."

These days, I tend to hover somewhere between those two extremes. Usually, the good girl wins out - I keep showing up at work, taking care of the people and things I'm supposed to take care of, saying "please and thank you" at appropriate times. Being good feels right to me - most of the time. Sometimes, though, I sense that there's an inner girl in there that isn't quite so good. That's the one that loves driving too fast, that goes out with girlfriends and drinks a little too much, that has allowed bad language to creep into her once pristine vocabulary. I know, this stuff is mild according to real bad girl standards, but it's borderline decadence compared to the way I was raised.

As I get older, I find myself getting irritated at the good girl, because sometimes her goodness intereferes with my real desires. Women face this dilemma all the time. We're trained to be pleasers and caretakers, even when that means sacrificing our own needs. But, I've decided to heed my mother's warning and let the "bad" girl out a little more often - the one that thinks about me first, about putting duty and responsibility aside momentarily in favor of some (good) fun. I have a sneaking suspicion that both girls will be a lot happier if I do!



Blogger Catherine said...

"Good girls" don't have passions - that makes them boring! I think you can be good without being a "good girl" -more on that in my own post. Certainly we have to learn to have fun. I enjoyed your thoughtful post.

Blogger paris parfait said...

Excellent piece, Becca! Your upbringing sounds a lot like mine. And sometimes even good girls have to throw caution to the winds and indulge in a passion or two - which isn't necessarily bad! :) xo

Blogger paris parfait said...

Excellent piece, Becca! Your upbringing sounds a lot like mine. And sometimes even good girls have to throw caution to the winds and indulge in a passion or two - which isn't necessarily bad! :) xo

Blogger susan said...

Inspiring insight and truth, Becca!
I think that "both" will co-exist just beautifully :-)

Blogger SombraKnight said...

With excellent readings like this...I think I'll stop going to the library. Your stuff is great! :-)

Blogger Helen said...

I can identify with this in a way. I was always good to my body, ate right, worked out, didnt drink or smoke or keep bad company and my body became bad anyway with a horrible disease. I wish sometimes now that I had ate bad and had that drink or too. What would have mattered ? I love this piece it has a lot of meaning and makes you think. Thanks for sharing. :)

Blogger megan said...

Becca...thanks for sharing your sane perspective. It's almost automatic to put everyone else first, but it's like on an airplane...we need to put on our oxygen masks first, then we can help others. A particularly timely reminder for me this weekend. Thank you.

Blogger chiefbiscuit said...

Thanks for your honesty and yes a little bit of harmless 'bad' in with the good is good! Adds flavour.

Blogger Jessie said...

here here, becca! you've said it well.

my parents were recently divorced after 33 years of marriage. i guess it goes to show you that nothing can ever be taken for granted. that goes for happiness, too. and to be happy, maybe letting the bad girl out once in awhile is the best way to go about it. something about this piece speaks to me. and, well, made me feel GOOD.

here's to letting our hair down once in awhile in order to keep life from getting too serious. cheers!

Blogger Star said...

Grrr. I have tried to comment three times and Blogger keeps messing with me.

I refuse to type it all again. So I'll just say, please let your soul breathe; if you don't you will suffocate it. These times when you stray from your idea of the straight and narrow are what feed your soul to continue with day-to-day living.

Blogger nike said...

you can be good and 'bad' at the same time , right ?
that's how i approach life .
like i'm good in bed or i'm good in lying through my teeth to get out of an ugly situ like being caught in bed
with someone elses wife !
these are examples only .

Blogger PtCakes said...

I find that taking care of me, and feeding my own desires helps me to be a better person, a good person.

Blogger Bibi said...

I can relate ... but I also have a rebellious side. And I think that's just fine. Enjoy life!

Blogger deirdre said...

A little badness is a good thing. It's all in the balance.

Blogger alphawoman said...

Always good to take your mothers advice.


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